Hats aren’t as big a deal nowadays as in times gone by when women wore hats day in and day out, when they were well versed in the dos and don’ts of millinery rules. I find this so sad, not because it’s bad for business (it isn’t really as plenty of ladies still want to dress up when the occasion permits) but because I just loved the style of bygone eras.  I’m not sure whether you’ve watched “The Marvellous Mrs Maisel” on Amazon Prime?  It’s very entertaining but if you are like me, it’s a rich visual feast of 50’s fashion and millinery, I can’t help but drool!

Anyway, I digress.  What I’m here to help with today is a whistle stop tour of 5 things any self-respecting mother of the bride may want to know, to avoid a sartorial faux pas.

SHOULD A MOTHER OF THE BRIDE WEAR A HAT OR FASCINATOR?

My answer to this question is to keep your choice occasion appropriate.  What does this mean?

Is it a large traditional church wedding? 

A brim will almost certainly be the correct choice, whether that is a traditional crown and brim hat or a saucer.

Is it a small intimate wedding? 

A fascinator or simply saucer is most likely to be the best choice in this instance, anything more could easily detract from the bride.

Is the wedding after 4pm? 

A cocktail hat, pill box or button hat, or fascinator is likely the right option in this instance. Etiquette dictates that this isn’t the time of day for a large brim, also from a practical point of view it will throw you face into shadow as light will be sparse, it is also likely to be at odds with a more evening oriented dress code.

For a more detailed insight in to this decision take a look at this blog post.

WHICH SIDE OF THE HEAD SHOULD A MOTHER OF THE BRIDE WEAR A HAT OR FASCINATOR?

I think there are two answers to this question.

THE TRADITIONAL

Traditionally a lady wore her hat or headpiece to the right.  The origin of this tradition is alleged to date back to the polite custom of a gentleman accompanying a lady by walking to her left.  This allowed her face to remain visible for him and allow conversation unimpeded.  The tradition of the gentleman walking to the left is alleged to date back to the days when knights wore swords strapped to their left, ready to draw with their right hand.  Had a lady walked at her knights left it would have clattered against her.  Arguably in a line up if every lady wears their headpiece to the right (not exactly applicable to hats) it make kissing easier but this traditional formality is increasingly becoming extinct.  

THE REALITY

Those days of chivalry are long since departed and although I’m a lover of traditions, I think (as do a good number of leading milliners) that there is more flexibility and choice.  I believe that if a lady is investing good money in having a headpiece handmade for her, that at the very least , it should be made to be as flattering as possible to her, the side that suits her best is very much part of it.

For more information how to work out the best side for you, click to read more.

WHAT SIZE OF HAT IS APPROPRIATE FOR A MOTHER OF THE BRIDE?

Traditionally mothers of the bride wore larger head wear than the mother of the groom, this reflected their financial contribution to the event in the days when the bride’s parents footed the bill.  This tradition is still around to some degree but for the most part couples are funding much of the wedding and grooms parents are often making significant contributions too so this should no longer have a real bearing.  As a mother of the bride you should wear what makes you feel confident and it goes without saying that guests should never dress to upstage the wedding party.

WHAT DOES ETIQUETTE DICTATE ABOUT WEARING A HAT INSIDE?

Men should ALWAYS remove their hats inside.  Ladies hats are an integral part of their “ensemble” and should not be removed indoors.

WHEN SHOULD A MOTHER OF THE BRIDE TAKE HER HAT OR FASCINATOR OFF AFTER THE CEREMONY?

Traditionally a mother of the bride will wear her hat from the start of the proceedings through until the end of the wedding breakfast (the formal part of the proceedings).  That said ultimately it is your choice what you decide to do but I would recommend at least until after the photographs have been taken.  The lull between the meal and any subsequent evening celebrations is the ideal time to go and refresh, titivate your hair as required and re-emerge ready to party.  All well behaved female guests who are abiding by the dictates of good etiquette will leave their hats in place until such time as you decide to remove yours, this it has to be said can provide scope for mischief  if you know Aunt Gladys hates wearing hats and you love yours.

Have you any more questions for me?  I’m always happy to help with these things and I invariably find I know a lot more than I’ve thought to mention.

Until next time,

Harriet x